6 Figure Career Management

I think there’s far too much talk and pressure about “how to find a job” and “how to reinvent yourself,” don’t you..?

Instead, how about embracing the recession and taking some time off to relax, have fun and veg out?

Just think, you could watch day-time telly (Oprah, Loose Women or the sports channel), go play some golf, visit the gym and sit in the sauna (but tell everyone you’ve been working out), play online poker, have fun on Facebook, hang out in coffee shops and “do lunch” with friends.

You could stay up late to watch trashy “made for TV” films whilst eating a tub of Haagen Dazs and corn chips. Maybe buy some completely useless items from the late night shopping channels and wake up the next day when…..well, whenever you like.

With such a lifestyle, why would you want to spend time looking for a job?

Oh yes, I forgot - it’s not socially acceptable is it? You’ve got to at least “look” as if you’re trying to find work.

So why not bluff your friends and family into thinking you are working really hard at the job searching but sabotage it?!

Here are 5 great ways NOT to get a job (but which make it look like you’re trying):

1. Live in the past

To ensure you don’t find a job, just stay focused on the past. Keep talking about all the things you’ve done, all the experience you’ve had. Don’t think for a second that this may be futile in a new world and a different climate.

(By the way - if you decide you’d actually like to find a role, you may want to think less about what you’ve done and focus more on the value you can create in the future for employers and clients, the problems you can solve, the results you can deliver, the transferable skills you can offer. But if not, just stay in the past - it’s a great way to enjoy the benefits of being footloose and fancy free!)

2. Play the blame game

To guarantee you can continue enjoying lazy lunches and some ‘”me time” (even though you’ve no idea what it means) just blame someone - anyone!

After all, it’s not your fault you’re struggling to find work - it’s the government, the greedy CEOs of the major banks, your incompetent employers, the hopeless recruiters, your mother-in-law, the next door neighbour’s dog and of course …….”The Recession” - the very best excuse for 20 years to play the blame game and do nothing!

(Oh, if you get a bit tired of blaming others and being miserable, you may want to quit blaming the rest of the world and take personal responsibility for your situation - you’ll probably find a job much faster and be a much nicer person to be around. But if not, just stay there - at least the blame game allows you to take the summer off - much more fun than working.)

3. Hide behind your computer

This is a great one. If you’d rather play online poker or poke a few people on Facebook (ooh err) than get back to work, hide behind your computer for 7 hours a day pretending you’re job searching.

You can sit in your PJ’s in front of your laptop, apply for a few random jobs, send your resume/CV to the same recruiters and job sites that everyone else is emailing and then sit back and say “Oh, I’m working sooo hard on my job search - but there’s simply nothing out there!” Genius.

(But if you get bored or broke sitting at home playing online poker all day, you may want to come out of hiding and get serious about finding work. The internet, email and social media are just “tools.” Ultimately it’s your relationships with people, not technology, that will help you find a job. Getting out there, speaking, meeting and engaging with people in the real world. But only do that if you really want a job.)

4. Wait 3 days before following up a lead

You’ve seen a job ad or been given a warm lead. Damn it - your plans to relax and do nothing seem scuppered.

OK, here’s an idea. How about you procrastinate, put off the call for a few days until you’ve perfected your resume/CV or put off making the call until tomorrow when you feel better about yourself. That way, by the time you apply, the warm lead is cold, the job advert is inundated with other people so you don’t get to interview stage at all. Brilliant - you can then continue enjoying some more time on the couch with Oprah!

(If, on the other hand, you fancy giving up the couch and decide to get serious about finding a job, you need to be quick. In a tight job market, speed is of the essence - so act NOW, not later. You can improve, perfect and course correct later. But only if you want a job. Maybe Oprah’s much nicer than a boss so why bother hey?)

5. Be desperate

This one always works. Be really really desperate, needy and annoying. Just enough so that it puts people off. That way you can look like you’re trying really hard but just not getting the breaks. That way you can justify taking a break from the job searching - you know, just to “take a step back and review my options”. Perfect plan!

(But if you decide that you actually want to get a job - stop trying so hard. Be open-minded and flexible, but also be confident and self-assured in the way you conduct yourself).

So there you go - 5 ways NOT to get a job this summer. 5 ways to ensure you can spend more time improving your golf swing, watching reality TV and seeing how many juicers and useless knives you can buy from those awful shopping channels.
 
(But if you’d like to find a job in less time and with less stress, do the exact opposite of these 5 points and you’ll stand a much better chance of succeeding).